Note to new readers: This post is part of my 30 Days of Writing Practice. I am allowing blocks of 10, 20 or 30 minutes of my day solely to putting my swirling thoughts on paper. No going back to edit which will only serve to stop the stream of consciousness. My writing buddy Kat and I (Wruddy for short), we call it writing from the heart. Please read my introduction for the full story.
Today I am the energizer bunny. Writing is not hard. I’ve stomped on the doubt monkey and beat it to a pulp. After all, it’s all about mindset, ain’t it? Shift the mind, and you shift your reality. Last night was a lapse. We all have lapses. Remember this. Lapses occur from time and time. Lapses are allowed. The key is getting back on the horse. Ready to ride out again.
Plus Super Mom sent me a message. A writing topic that inspired me. Secondly, my effervescent Wruddy gave me a boost. We were exchanging a few messages today, little shots in the arm. One particular shot inspired me. She probably does not know which one.
So on with this page. I will go back to Natalie Goldberg’s “Writing Down the Bones” for the next ten days. I want to motivate you, yes YOU, to start writing yourself. You must try it. We all have stories waiting to be told. Remember this, just keep your hand moving. English, Tagalog, Bisaya, mix-mix puwede!
I wrote about a typical morning in Day 2. I want to revisit. After all, every morning is different.
6. Give me your morning. Breakfast, waking up, walking to the bus stop. Be as specific as possible. Slow down in your mind and go over the details of the morning.
6am
I get off the bed to wake up Gabo. His alarm clock goes off at 6.05am. I try to beat the clock so I can hug and smell-kiss my baby. My 13-year old keeps his eyes closed and frowns. I persist. He opens his eyes slowly and I say “Tuta” (“Puppy”). Gabo’s current fixation are puppies and dogs. He endlessly scours YouTube of puppy videos and shows them to me knowing that I’ve had a stream of puppies/dogs/cats in my childhood. He even commented yesterday that he missed out on that part of childhood. I sadly agreed. This son of mine is like his mummy. He fixates on things. It’s not bad. It just means we are alive and kicking and weird, di ba?
I take a shower. Oh before that, I decide to purchase the live version of Sia’s “Breathe Me” from iTunes (the one that I am crushing on currently). I got the download going and jumped into the shower. Oh I weighed in first. Need to check if my home made scones from the weekend were bad for my weight. It’s 50.8kg this morning. Fantastic. My aim is to always be below 51kg. I achieve that by just having a green smoothie at night for dinner. You should try it sometime.
2. Begin with “I remember”
I remember last Saturday when I brought the boys’ to our family hairdresser. Let’s call her Ivy. Ivy is a Chinese Malaysian who operates her business from her home “office”. I like Ivy. She is very easy to talk to. She wants to lose weight and I tell her how. She admits she has no motivation. I tell her it’s OK because she really does look fairly trim anyway. Ivy owns a dog. Gabo looks forward to having his hair cut because he can play with Oscar, the dog. However, Migo (my 14 year old with autism) dislikes dogs. Dogs are very unpredictable creatures, you see. They lick you and stick their wet tongues out, they jump on your legs/lap, they want to be petted, they bark usually, and they seem to be overly excited. Migo hates that. So naturally shoos Oscar away. “Go away, Oscar” says Migo. Ivy lets Oscar out into the backyard. Gabo kept silent. He had the first turn at the barber’s chair, you see.
Later when we arrive home, Gabo tells me how annoyed he was with Kuya Migo. He says he waited for months to see and pet Oscar, only to have been deprived of such an occasion. All because Kuya Migo cannot stand dogs. In his exasperation, Gabo decides to teach Migo that dogs are a man’s best friend. He printed out a few posters with a message for Kuya. He stuck the posters inside Kuya’s room.
Let’s shift back to this morning.
6.30am
A tells me what’s available for breakie. There are two leftover scones from Sunday’s breakie. Enough for Kuya Migo who is coming down at 7.15. I decide to eat rice from last night’s dinner. I only had my green smoothie, remember? So I missed out on the carbs dinner. It’s delayed gratification. This is now my eating habit, so no problem. I made two fried eggs for myself and Migo for added protein.
6.45am
I start eating breakfast. Since I am on my own (A and Gabo getting dressed upstairs), it’s my own time. I take advantage and prop up the iPad beside me and started typing away. No. Actually I started this page while preparing the fried eggs. Multitasking. No problems. I also prepared the boys’ lunch boxes. Their sandwiches were prepared last night. It’s now a matter of putting the water bottles and sandwiches into the lunch boxes. Now thinking about it, why don’t I prepare everything at night? Dunno. Except maybe there’s not enough space for large lunch boxes in the fridge? It’s just one of those things that could be tightened and tweaked and I am too lazy to execute. You have these thoughts in your head, don’t you? You know that some aspect of life can be optimized and you know how yet you don’t do it. Too hard. Procrastinate maybe. It’s a normal human trait of delaying then eventually forgetting ….
7:15am
A and Gabo leaves. A will now take Gab to his bus stop and proceed to drive to work. Migo comes down from bed at 7.15. He goes through his routine. His morning tasks include putting away last night’s cutlery (spoon and fork from the dishwasher) into the cutlery drawer. A cleared the dishwasher earlier on of everything else apart from cutlery. We leave the cutlery for Migo. He likes doing that. He goes around the house opening blinds. He is forever closing and opening blinds, it drives me nuts. Because you don’t want/need all blinds to be open. I feel naked. I imagine neighbours’ eyes watching me, looking in, seeing what I am doing, what I am eating. So I close some strategic blinds after Migo opens them. Around and around we go, our blind dance. Migo opens the blinds and I close them awhile later. But when I tell him not to open, he won’t. So I need to always be quite verbal and literal. Nothing can be implied with Migo. Words are always required.
This is a big challenge in a household of quiet people. As you know, A and I are quiet types. Not really of the verbose or communicative variety. It is normal for us to sit quietly eating dinner lost in our own thoughts. A and I are comfortable in our silences. Never are our silences “pregnant”. Then Gabo speaks up and starts chattering, always my conversation hero. Then I think, “Poor Migo”. He needs a lot of conversation, talk stimulants. We’re not doing Kuya any favours during our quiet moments. I sometimes consider taking him home to the Philippines where my mother’s family is. Relatives there are noisy as. Talking on top of each other, always happily buzzing. But then again, Migo cannot stand noise. Tagalog or Bisaya to him will be noise. Sigh. Stop this “what if” thoughts, Cha, and just be happy where you are. Indeed. I am. Migo is fine where he is. In due time, you and Migo will have a chance to have a go at living in Surigao, I tell myself. See how that feels. I inherited a parcel of land (two parcels actually) that’s ocean front. If I just build a small beach hut, we will have something to look forward to for rest and recreation in Surigao, isn’t it? Migo loves the water and he likes standing on the beach. I will enjoy it. The whole family will, no doubt. So I do have a plan. Lots of plans. Exciting times, ain’t it? I actually dismissed this inheritance in the past. Not really interested in going back for a holiday much less retire there. But when we went back last Dec 2012, my outlook changed. I saw possibilities. I saw LOVE. Thank you, Lola Loring Revelo for giving me this gift. I LOVE YOU, wherever you are. I am going to write about my late beloved Lola Loring soon, so you will understand this message of mine to her.
Whoa. Long and very chatty.
See you again tomorrow for Day 22.
All the best,
ChaR-g
I share with you a video of my boys. Gabo playing the power chord for “Fly Away” by Lenny Kravitz. There is a surprise ending with my canned laughter!
Anna says
Wow he plays good guitar! And what good fun! That laugh I can relate. What a day Char! I’d like to sip some margarita on a hammock at that beach!