Have you ever analysed your friendships? The depth and breadth of each? I have. Maybe I have too much headspace for pondering on the drive to work or perhaps some friendships are breaking down around me. Whatever it is, it’s got me thinking, as my wont.
I have friends from various stages of my life. Let’s break it down. Simply, I have grouped them thus:
- High school friends
- College friends
- Friends from work (Philippines)
- Current friends from work, mum friends from my sons’ schools, and friends of friends (Australia)
In the myriad of these relationships, the friends who are closest to my heart are those I met in college and in Siemens. I feel that I grew up with them. They know me best. All my quirks, my odd tastes, my inanities. In short, I can be crazy with them. I can make mistakes and I can say all the wrong things and we’re still OK. I can be me without filtering. These friendships have absolute openness. They are based on mutual interests and shared experiences.
The internet has kept my past friendships alive. Here are my special mentions.
Friends for life
A friend (from college) who resides in the Philippines is my erstwhile drinking partner. We are totally honest with each other including matters of intimacy. No subject is taboo with her. Personally, everybody needs a friend like her. We say anything at anytime. There is no need to wait for a “better mood” or “timing”. We have no reservations. She who loves beer more than I do. That in itself is rare. She calls me bestie. I call her beastie.
A friend (from college) who lives in the US is privy to all my brain farts. We used to cuss and hug each other tenderly when we were living in the same boarding house. We still kiss and hug figuratively, long distance. She validates me. I call her my dungheap. She calls me her dungheap. We say we love each other often. This makes me really happy because I know our friendship is one of a kind. How beautiful to find someone who operate in the same wavelength as I do. How very valuable. When we lose contact due to space and time (happened more than once), I hunt her down. She’s too precious to lose, I thought.
A friend who now lives in Switzerland (a workmate from Siemens) is my kindred spirit. She’s whimsical. Light as a feather. She glides through life. I’ve never met anyone quite like her. Our exchanges are childlike. I call her buggerOne. She calls me buggerZero. Because I didn’t want to give her the upper hand, I declared myself Zero. She was OK with this. We’re buggers, you see. A message exchange with her always always makes me smile. She absolutely shines!
Finally, I have a friend who is also a neighbour (a workmate from Siemens and currently in Optus too). She is what I would call my emotional compass. My beacon of sorts. She looks after me without realizing it, or does she? She takes me with her in her life adventures. She is constantly moving forward through life, opens doors and tests what it’s like out there. Then she beckons me to follow her. She is pivotal to my major life events such as leaving Siemens for a greener pasture, migrating to Australia, buying a house in the same suburb, investing for retirement, working for Optus; just to name a few. Incredible, isn’t it? I feel so lucky and blessed. I wonder what life would be like if she wasn’t my friend. This thought leaves me bereft, to be honest. She is a friend for 20 years now and she lives only a stone’s throw away. We work for the same company. Optus has 7 buildings. Yet we sit in the same building and in the same floor! Who else has that?! She is the Meredith to my Cristina. I call her burpy. She calls me pek. She gives and gives. I don’t think I give back enough. Yet this is OK.
Sidebar: If I have given you a petname, chances are you are in my “hall of fame”. Callouts to the firstwives, farthead, jughead, little, jogjog, paraluman, king art, prince, backout queen and many more.
What of my current girlfriends?
As my wont, I compartmentalize myself when I am with my current girlfriends. I only talk about subjects which I think they will be able to relate to. Don’t you do the same? My friendships are of varying degrees of depth and wavelength. So naturally I don’t want to bore someone about a song I am looping in my iPhone, nor my love for hiking boots over high heels. I have not met anyone who knows Bjork, let alone like her.
Current friendships are now based on common life situations rather than mutual ‘likes’. This is why I compartmentalize. There is a fear of rejection or being pushed away. You don’t want to shock someone too much. So I put my best foot forward. This makes me sad.
One day, I mentioned to my Persian workmate-friend how I tend to compartmentalize. She was aghast. “But I love the full package!”, she insisted. It was my turn to be stunned. To be honest, I felt so guilty. She loved me wholly, not just bits of me that I share with her. I thought, how is this possible? Then I realized that no matter how much I filter, my spirit shines through. A spirit is whole after all, it’s not partial. We do not have to like the same music, nor read the same books, nor agree on anything. She was discerning enough to put parts of me together and figure out my entirety. She was emotionally connecting with me in all levels, it would seem. I find this thought powerful.
Does this make sense? She has taught me that real friends accept each other as a full package – the good, the bad, the crazy, and the dark bits. Warts and all!
Below is the perfect way to sum up an ideal friendship. It is important to be comfortable with each others’ silence too, you know. It doesn’t have to be all talk. If you have this, treasure it. Friends need nurturing. They need attention. They are rare. So celebrate them!
Finally, remember these quotes from the Little Prince, the ultimate book on friendship:
And it is she that I have listened to complaining or boasting or sometimes remaining silent. Because she is my rose. It is the time you lavished on your rose which makes your rose so important… – The Little Prince
and
If you tame me, we shall need one another. To me, you will be unique. And I shall be unique to you. – The Little Prince
Anonymous says
It’s because YOU ARE precious, my dearest D.
admin says
D. Is that why you’re never frosty with me? >_<
Anna Buquiz aka 'little says
A friend is never a friend unless in one moment of your life she is like a mirror to you…been a window to your soul… I Will always cherish the times I’ve come across you and walk with you…jog with you… Wanting to read the books you read…and actually read them… In case you don’t realize it yet, you are a blessing to the people you touched…touching and will be privilege to touch… Love you my dearest charina…
Anna says
Oh I love this kind of pondering. I have done this myself. Many many times especially after moving to AU and trying to find real friendships. It’s hard. To start all over again and you’re always on your best foot when sometimes all you really feel is be cranky and hope someone understands. But yeah accepting the whole package is always good. As friends become family. We accept them warts and all. xx
admin says
My apologies for taking 3 weeks to check-in on my messages here. I guess I need to go back to writing once again. It comes and goes. Finding new friends is hard. It’s work. So when you find a friendship which does not require much effort, such that you just “click”, you can’t help but be very thankful. And thanks for reading my ramblings, not everyone “gets” me, if you know what I mean.
(A RE-SEND. myglorybox had a little tantrum after a software update)
Anna says
And by the way, I know Bjork.
admin says
Wow, here’s a girl after my own heart. Nice to meet you, Anna
(A RE-SEND. myglorybox had a little tantrum after a software update)
Chiqui Pineda says
🙂