The hubby and I attended a seminar on “Understanding Boys” a month ago. Evidently, when boys become teenagers, they tend to withdraw into a shell called the bedroom. Nary will you see them all day. Grunts and a curt “good” are all they could muster to your cheerful “how are you’s”.
Here are some of the things I learned in that workshop.
- Boys don’t talk to each other (the way girls do)
- Boys mature more slowly
- Boys have difficulties with hearing and listening
- Boys confront, they don’t negotiate (girls, on the other hand, can wrap dad around their little fingers)
- Boys don’t talk and look at you eye-to-eye (that’s too threatening)
- Boys talk more when you do an activity together
Boys, when they become grown-ups, are trained to “perform, protect, and provide”. “Communicate, nurture and display affection” are not part of their job description. Furthermore, “boys need more love and attention than girls”.
Here’s a post I stumbled upon that talks about “what boys really want“.
Mothers all over Australia are tearing their hair out trying to manage the hormonal changes happening to their once tender boys. This smelly, grunting, obnoxious teenager is a far cry from her little sweet boy that once allowed her to smother him with kisses.
My regular son Gab, who is not-quite-thirteen yet, is still soft and cuddly (if you know what I mean). He still welcomes my hugs and kisses. In fact, I could put a price tag on them and he would buy them!
However, I can already picture this young man turning into “that sullen teenager”. I see it coming like a storm. Hence, I prepare. I have only 6 years left with him. Then Gab will be lost from me. He will soon attend university or worse find a girlfriend. My obsession is this. I need to spend lots and lots of quality time with the kids. It’s a cliche. As with all working mums, I carry this guilt in my head. All the time. It drives me. Nuts.
My mind is in constant overdrive thinking and planning activities that encourage open conversation with minimal eye contact. Likewise, I need to find ways to get the kids out of the house and away from their electronic devices. No one listens to my “go out of the house and explore” pleas anymore.
Here are some of the little things we already do to encourage conversation.
- Dinners together with the TV off (a golden rule), every night
- School drop offs, daily
- Running with the boys, weekly
- Road trips, fairly regularly (the journey is as important as the destination)
There is one more thing that I longed to add to the list above. Well, two things actually. First up is hiking. In the BC (before children) days, the hubby and I were passionate about mountain trekking. I wanted to pass on that passion to my boys. Six months ago, we went on a delightful harbour walk to Manly. Subsequently, I added a number of calendar entries to schedule more walks. Alas. Something else will always come up that seem to be more important than walking. Our weekends are an endless stream of chores, errands and social engagements. There’s also the usual non negotiable boys’ music and sport activities.
The 25th of April, an Anzac Day public holiday in Australia, came in perfect condition. The weather forecast was sunny after several days of rain. Being a Wednesday, there was nothing on in our calendar.
We drove to West Head Road, Ku-Ring-Gai Chase. 10kms later, we arrived at the West Head Lookout. A few people were picnicking and just enjoying the awesome views.
We hiked down to West Head Beach.
Next stop was Resolute Beach.
I made the boys wear their swimmers. I thought it’ll be easier (for me) if they do decide to swim. However, it became evident that swimming trunks are not ideal for hiking. Gab, in his discomfort, walked sulkily. Finally, to get him out of his dark mood I said, “Here’s a challenge for you. Show me that you are man enough to ignore this major irritation.” He must have listened because after awhile he started talking about the birds and the bush turkeys we saw.
We got a little bit lost as some trails were unmarked. I had to rely on the hubby to take us out of the bush as I was only good with navigating through life.
We laughed. We commended each other. Ariel, for not allowing Gab’s initial reticence to affect his mood. Myself, for making the hike happen. Migo, for his quiet compliance. And finally Gab for overcoming a major irritation.
This walk cost a mere $11 for the national park entry. We brought our own drinks and sandwiches. I stocked up on cold water which I left in the car for that end-of-walk nourishment. I realised that we did not burn petrol as much as we would have if we went on a road trip instead.
“Take nothing but pictures.
Leave nothing but footprints.
Kill nothing but time.”
Our next walk can’t come soon enough!
What is your favourite family time?