Note to new readers: This post is part of my 30 Days of Writing Practice. I am allowing blocks of 10, 20 or 30 minutes of my day solely to putting my swirling thoughts on paper. No going back to edit which will only serve to stop the stream of consciousness. My writing buddy Kat and I (Wruddy for short), we call it writing from the heart. Please read my introduction for the full story.
It’s introspection Monday, folks!
Today is Day 20. It’s getting harder and harder each day. Hey, I can write everyday for the rest of my life. But with an audience, writing takes a different dimension. It creates a certain kind of expectation. Of myself, the topics I write about, the quality of my writing. I began to realise that I am slowly writing to an audience instead of writing for myself, for self expression. This realisation may have presented itself on Day 7, the one about “Angels on earth”. That was a writing highlight. I found it really difficult to find a topic that could top Day 7. Yet I did. I proved to myself that I can and will dig deep.
This is practise writing. It is not blogging. It is not writing short stories. This is exercising my writing muscles. Towards what? Towards self improvement and learning. Learning is always number one. Also to explore that side of me. Am I really a story teller? What sort of writer am I? I am dipping my toe into the realm of being a “writer”. For it is possible. I can be a writer and not have a novel, not have anything published in paper. With the blogosphere, anybody can be a writer.
So I need to be reminded. Day 16 (Migo’s Diagnosis) was the best post I wrote based on the feedback, comments, FB likes and what have you. I don’t bother checking actual web traffic because that will be another source of…what? Joy? Anxiety? I used to check traffic sources. But within the 30 day writing window, I decided not to. I simply don’t have the bandwidth for that.
Day 16 may be the most popular and the most connections I made with you, my dear readers. But it was also the hardest to write. Because it was not light. It was heavy. I realise too that it was the most moving, and a few of you actually took the next step of messaging me unexpectedly. To tell me of your own experiences. Now I know, I can use Special Needs as a niche topic. I could write about it more. Give inspiration, information and move more people. But it does not sit well with me. You know why? I don’t feel that I am in the best position to talk at length about my son’s autism. I feel that other parents have a harder time… tougher . And I don’t feel I know enough! I know, I know what you will say. I just need to write about my own experience, that’s all, right?
OK cut the crap Cha and just say it. I am fearful. The topic is too close to the bone!
On the other hand, I like my flippant, irreverent, inanely safe topics. Read Day 4, Day 13, Day 18, Day 19 (check the right sidebar for links). They’re not meaningless to me. They’re raw and open and honest and my real inner workings. Best of all, it’s only about me. I am comfortable talking about me. Not so with my sunshine, Kuya Migo. Not so with the big subject of autism.
I realise that to be a writer, I must not have many voices. Too many voices (read: subject matter) will divide the audience and perhaps confuse. I cannot write about fitness one day, and special needs the next.
I also find that my focus in life this past 20 days has pretty much been about my writing. Such that I am no longer mentally “there” when I am with friends and family. Good thing this is only for 30 days. Wonder Woman, my gal pal, reminded me to keep to the 10 minutes and why am I still up so late at night? Unbeknownst to me, she notices the time I post my daily notice to myGloryBox FB page. So I get a reprimand from her. I tell her that although the actual post content takes only 10-20 minutes to make, I still have to make sure my gibberish is readable and coherent. And there’s the pictures to upload and… you get the drift.
Anyway, that’s Day 20. Where I take stock and tell you what goes on behind my writing workouts. What I am thinking right now. It’s me talking to myself.
(Aside: Ha! Cha manages to create something out of nothing for 15 minutes!)
See you tomorrow for Day 21!
All the best,
ChaR-g
PS: To catch up with my Days 1-19, check out the right sidebar of this blog for the full blog list.
I leave you with UNINVITED by Alanis Morissette. It’s powerful.
Chiqui Pineda-Azimi says
You are a writer, Cha. A story-teller of the highest calibre in my book. Why? Because you give from your bottomless heart to me, to us your readers. That’s the most basic ingredient, I believe. The end*. XO, Potski
*(…but hopefully, not of the Wruddy Pages, ok?!? Now go back to bed! :D)
myGloryBox says
NO, @katshots. Wruddy Pages will not end. Why end something so….magical?
You are my KEY, Chiquinini.
Chiqui Pineda-Azimi says
Your Alanis song brought me to this: http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0001551/bio