Warning: This post is replete with terms about the human reproductive systems. I am going out on a limb by writing this. An open mind is required.
As a mother of two boys, I often wonder when is the right time to talk to the kids about reproduction. On one hand, you worry that you might trigger an interest that could lead to unimaginable directions. On the other hand, you want to arm your child with knowledge and confidence to be able to handle themselves appropriately in any given “situation”. The latter was a stronger driver. I wanted my kids to have utmost control of their body and their actions.
When I was growing up, I don’t remember having any “talks” with my mother about sensitive topics. My mother used to work for the Commission on Population (Family Planning government agency) and will sometimes come home with boxes and boxes of condoms. What did I do with them? I blew them up into balloons and I played with them unknowingly. Pun unintended. My education primarily came from a book I found in my stepfather’s bookcase which I would sneakily read when no one was home. It was called “Everything You Wanted To Know About Sex (But Were Afraid To Ask)” by Dr. David Reuben. It was written in a question and answer format and was quite clinically thorough. Knowledge is power. With my secretly acquired knowledge, I felt that I was always in control of my body and my faculties. At all times. That book served me well.
I don’t have any book of this kind lying around in my bookcase now. So a talk with my son is in order.
I implored the hubby to have a sit-down chat with our 12-year-old son to talk about this thing called puberty and “making babies”. Six months later, the hubby still hasn’t gotten around to it. In fairness, Ariel did talk about the benefits of circumcision with Gab.
I decided that it was time for mummy power to intervene.
One day, while driving Gab to his school bus stop, I casually asked what he knew about the birds and the bees.
Mum: “So darling. Has school taught you about the birds and the bees yet?”
Gab: “There’s no need to say the birds and bees, Mum. Our PE teacher told us how a sperm goes into the vagina and find an egg.”
Gab is in Year 7. That’s first year high school in most parts of the world.
Mum: “Oh, that is great, honey. So now you know that women have three passages. One for poo, one for wee and one for babies, periods and for Mr. Sperm to enter. Do you remember that movie “Look Who’s Talking?” where millions of tiny sperms went swimming towards the egg? And only one sperm wins and fertilises the egg?”
Gab: “Yes mum and I also know about your periods.”
Mum: “Oh thank you, Mr. PE teacher!”
School bus arrives.
Mum: “We’ll talk some more later, honey.”
I was stunned! I cannot believe that it was so easy. My son actually used vagina and sperm in one sentence in a very casual tone. He was so mature and matter-of-fact about the whole thing. We parents may struggle to find words and worry about the impact to their psyche. But really, when they are at the right age, it’s not that hard. Trust your child. I pride myself with having an honest relationship with my son. If you have that, then have no fear.
Our chat was liberating and empowering. I was quite proud to use the word “passages” instead of the crude word “holes”. I can’t wait for him to come home so we can talk some more. There is so much more that I need to cover over the coming days. Things like the importance of using protection, respecting women, delayed gratification (gasp), the sanctity of love and marriage etc. You know, Filipino values. I’ve only just began.
Don’t forget that when you have your “talk”, there should not be any eye contact. That is too threatening. I wrote about that here.
I excitedly messaged the hubby about it. “You got off the hook!”
Hubby: “I should send a present to Mr. PE teacher!”
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